Shooting ourselves in the face

The following is the text of my most recent Deeply Superficial column in the (sydney) magazine and the (melbourne) magazine, December issues:

They call it the gift that keeps on lifting. It seems as if the hot stocking-stuffer for Christmas in our enlightened age is a voucher for Botox injections or one of the other non-surgical cosmetic procedures that every second shopfront is offering these days. Daughters give it to their mothers, wives to husbands, girlfriends to girlfriends, apparently. While I haven’t actually met anyone who has done this, I can believe it. After all, the physicians and beauticians who wield the needles have done a darn good job of positioning what they do as a “lifestyle choice,” no different to colouring your hair.

So when New York’s Baron of Botox, Dr. Frederic Brandt, came to Australia on a whirlwind tour to promote his range of skin care products and offered media tarts a complimentary taste of what he does best, I thought about it for a minute. I’ve been holding out for many years. In my humble opinion, by locking ourselves into a lifetime of expensive needles and laser beams we’re shooting ourselves in the foot as much as in the face. Our character lies in our faces. If this society is in denial of age then maybe it’s better to get over it – because a lot of us are getting old - and find beauty in what we have.

But I realise I have been sounding like a Luddite on this subject for quite a while now. So I considered Dr. Brandt’s offer. A friend, experienced in these matters, told me I was mad not to. “He’s the best.” But then my husband, bless him, said ”Don’t you dare.” And I discovered something interesting. While many women are tempted, their men are terrified of it, afraid their wives will get hooked on the stuff and end up like the frozen-faced mummies on E!News, their tender expressions of love and concern obliterated as if they were Stepford Wives. When I showed up at Dr. Brandt’s suite at the Hilton hotel for an interview, a publicist confided that I was not the only journalist whose husband had nixed the idea.

Dr. Brandt in person is an altogether charming man who, as expected, looks like Peter Pan crossed with one of the children from The Sound of Music. He certainly doesn’t look or sound like an evil doctor bent on turning us all into cyborgs. When asked him if what he did was exploitative of his patient’s insecurities, he didn’t mind the question. “I look at it in a positive way. I think if we didn’t care how we looked we wouldn’t cut or colour our hair. Sometimes it’s good to have a little vanity because it makes you feel better about yourself. Obviously, if you’re really insecure you’re still going to feel insecure regardless of what you do. Our job as doctors is to guide people in the right directions and if we can make improvements that are natural then that’s nice. Hopefully we can make people feel better but it’s not a panacea for everything that ails you.”

Dr. Brandt sounds so reasonable, I ask him if I were to consider a procedure, how should I go about it. “Botox is a nice introduction because it has very little recuperation time, you don’t get much swelling or bruising,” he advises. “If you’re new at it only try one procedure at once and not too many areas. See how you like it. If you’re little nervous start with a small amount, you can always come back for more. Complications are rare and it’s reversible.” Naturally, he advises going to a physician not a beauty parlour. Problems can arise from the injections being done incompetently. And you don’t necessarily know what is in the product being injected.

I come away from the meeting unsullied, but with a clutch of Dr. Brandt’s products (available at Mecca Cosmetica nationally), which are designed to use in between procedures or instead of them. “You see these women who have had three facelifts and their skin looks like old skin because they have not taken care of it. You have to maintain health of the skin and texture of the skin,” he warns. And, that of course, includes staying out of the sun. But, he adds, “No cream is going to have the effects of Botox. If they tell you that they’re lying.”